WINDING DOWN?

Peg is home. And for the past three days, my mother, over the phone, has sounded--not like my mother. Her voice is faint, she sounds weak. She is definitely more confused than before she went into the hospital. Maybe once home for awhile she will re-adjust and get stronger and more sure of herself--it's happened before. But the again maybe not. Hard to tell. And just when I'm feeling genuinely sorry for her, her voice kind of breaks and she says, fighting back tears, predominantly of self-pity: "You just have NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH!"

But I DO know, because I have been on constant touch will all home and medical staff, daily. And Peg. For the entire time she was in hospital, when she was always cheery and in no pain and completely dismissive of my concerns, admitting she was "rather enjoying it all".

She was enjoying was being fussed over and the centre of attention. And now that she's home--and still being fussed over, might I add, because Bonnie and Terri and Dominick care about her plus that's their job--but I think she's bored that she is only being fussed over by one person at a time and so now is feeling sorry for herself. Maybe I'll feel sorry for myself at 98 too (not to mention the people who have to put up we=ith me).

Bonnie said when she was bringing Peg home from the hospital last Tuesday over Washington Mountain Road, the road Peg has traveled on for 40 years--Peg asked where they were and where they were going. Bonnie said she thought Peg was kidding. Seems not. And every single time I've spoken to her, without fail, after she asks how I am and how Denis is and how Alex is, and Mabel the dog--she doesn't wait for answers, she goes straight to the subject of "that awful man" who she's "going to just kill!", meaning Outside Bob. Who of course is not awful. But Peg won't drop it, and she has now rewritten the entire episode of him saying "I quit!" at the front door, handing her the morning newspaper, and leaving. It is now him "throwing the paper" at her, hitting her "in the eye", and causing her to fall and break her hip. Which is also not remotely true, she fell the day after Bob quit, and in the livingroom, not by the front door. And her eye is fine, not counting a mild form of conjunctivitis, which she has had for years and takes drops for. The staff all just know to change the subject when she starts on a Bob Rant. And I do too. Mostly. Except I find it hard not to stick up for him occasionally, which pisses my mother off, and she gets even more worked up and accuses me of taking sides.

Upon advice from a lawyer friend, I have begun to put in motion a Home Equity Line of Credit from Greylock Federal Credit Union. The hiccup here will be getting Peg to sign it, as the home owner, without thinking I'm tricking her in some way, even though I have not done so yet, nor would I think of it, nor have no intention of ever doing so. Ever since  I sold her stupid shrimp dish in the tag sale last year without telling her, she insists, even though she was the one who wrapped it up--I am apparently not to be trusted. 

I will head over to give the staff a break as soon as DK's memoirs are launched. How long have I been saying this now? Half a year? More? But we are finally finally only days away. She says. Optimistically. And even Misty-optically.