NO PROGRESS

Peg is still saying she won't sell the house. I can see this turning ugly (er). 

Meanwhile, I've announced on Facebook that I'm therefore selling her, now, with all offers considered. Not going as well as I'd hoped: so far have only got a real estate agent on board who's agreed to broker the deal, and an offer of £1 for the striped sweater Peg's wearing in the photo. 

She is due to leave rehab and return home this Tuesday at 11 o'clock.

Terri, who will be doing nights, rang from Peg's bedside to say she is extremely worried about Peg, once she gets home, getting up in the middle of the night and falling. She was practically in tears. I had to assure her--as in fact did Peg, chipping in in the background--that if Peg falls, she falls, and it will not be Terri's fault. I had to remind her that when I'm there, I, unlike Terri, do NOT sleep just around the corner from Peg's bed (I mean, can you imagine), I am miles away upstairs (thank God) where I wouldn't hear Peg even if she rang the Liberty Bell.  The problem is these rehab/nursing places put the fear of God into you saying the patient, when released, will be needing 24 hour round the clock nursing and someone to walk behind them ready to catch, whenever they move. We went through all this when my father came home from Laurel Lake Nursing Home almost 2 years ago--with me eventually saying wait just a minute now, is this "care" required by LAW or something? Or, being smart people, can we just not work out some system at home by ourselves to see what he needs when he gets there? They treat you like total invalids at nursing homes or in rehab, even if you're not. Anyhow. Terri's facetime call came in just as I was trying to get dinner on the table and I ended up burning the garlic for the broccoli and overcooked the pasta--plus, as usual, I had to talk to a wall or the bottom of Peg's chin because no one over there wants to see themselves on camera.

I can make no sense out of the Greylock Federal Credit Union brief and info packet, either the PDF they sent or online website. I have no idea what the best type of loan to ask for is, I have read and reread it all and understand it only sort of but cannot grasp any of the pay-back info. I do not know the wise thing to do. I am lost. I hate this I hate this I hate this. I am so tired. And stupid.

And if Peg won't move, and we DO get a loan, how long will it last? How long will she last? What if she continues to defy medical science and lives to 105? 

Plus I think it's too late to put the house on the market this summer now, and no one is going to go house hunting in the Berkshires in the winter, if they did they'd take one look and turn right around and head for Florida.

I feel I lost my mother long ago and, some days, harsh as this may sound, I really don't care what happens to her, I just want her to be her again or leave me alone and stop being mean to me and making my life so hard.

Okay, done with the whinge. Onwards. I have a book to write and a dog to fence in.