QUANDARY

Going crazy. I can't seem to make The Staff in Becket understand that they do NOT need to be there 24 hours a day, that a few hours here and there for changeovers is FINE, that Peg and Odd can most likely survive being on their own now and then. And if they don't--well. Look. They are just as likely to take a tumble it seems to me when alone as when someone's there. Staff, and I include myself here, are not exactly standing behind them the whole time, arms poised at the ready to catch a falling star, OR her husband, we could easily be walking the dog or doing laundry when it happened---besides which, even if I WERE there now, or Alex, neither of us would hesitate to go out in the evening for 2-3 hours, Alex in fact if plans had not changed would be working ALL evening in Lenox at the restaurant and home only after last customers, perhaps midnight or later. I think what it is is The Staff are deeply concerned that "something bad will happen" on their shift and they'll not just feel awful but look negligent, which is nonsense. 

And I know the more I whinge about this the more they think I'm just trying to save money so there'll be more for me me me. Which is also nonsense because by this stage I've given up thinking I'll have an inheritance of any sort because no matter what I do, whatever I put in place, however much I think I have it licked, the money's just haemorrhaging out of their accounts. Not helped by Peg talking Bonnie into taking her to Price Chopper yesterday where she seems to have bought the entire contents of the meat counter and whatever they had hanging out back. Just what everyone needs in their freezer, four thousand and fifty eight lamb chops.

Sadly, the constant worry about things Stateside--which I always had, every day, every hour, even when there, has not gone away by coming home, it's only worsened. What I get now, see, is not just Plain Old Peg and Odd Worry with a dabbling into various projects like her website or eBay thrown in--what I get is exactly the same, am STILL working in her website and on eBay selling stuff for her, but now I have Home Concerns and Issues to deal with as well, such as making the garden not look like no one gives a fuck (DK and Alex's way), not making the house look like no one gives a fuck  (DK and Alex's way), generally being Mrs. GoodWife and Mother and Hostess and having to every single day think what the fuck to have for dinner, and then actually MAKE it! When in Becket, see, I could just sit there in the kitchen with wine and Snyder's Honey Mustard pretzels and type away feeling hard done by while my parents slept or thought it was morning or yesterday or anyway would be content with a banana and a Pecan Sandie.

Really, what I'm saying is, at this moment in time, much as I am in love with my roses and husband and love ironing my son's nine shirts a minute for work, it really would be EASIER to be in Becket, Massachusetts, right now,  complaining, instead of here.  

On top of which, I miss my Mama. (At the moment)