FEELING LOW

Tonight we have "Young at Heart" with Doris Day to write by. Peg keeps hitting the "info" button. I can't see the screen but I can see when her hand goes for the remote and can't physically sit here knowing they're watching stuff with the info text over the screen so have to keep getting up and going over and hitting Select. Trying not to say "Mother, why do you keep doing this???"

Leftover meatloaf tonight with real mash and some onion gravy because Peg only likes "wet" food. I had popcorn and apple cider, and a spoonful of mash while standing in the laundry room. I can't eat with them, tonight at least. I should, but I can't. Odd's pretty good, considering, uses the napkin and still eats European style with knife in right hand like a pusher. Peg stirs and mashes and scoops and rearranges and puts a pat of butter onto every bite and ignores her napkin and if she doesn't like something, like gristle or undercooked vegetables, she takes it out of her mouth with her fingers and flicks it towards the garbage can a foot away. There are some days I can take this but today is not one of them. And I feel guilty that I feel this way. 

I did a round trip to  to Bonnie's brother-in-law who's a high end antiquarian book dealer in Sheffield MA this afternoon (2 hrs) with two boxes of books to see if they were worth anything. No, is the answer, so carted them home.

Got the images done for Peg's biog on her website. Will finish the ones for her Timeline later. Maybe.
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STAFF ON CALL:

Bonnie 8 AM - 4:30. She took Peg for her check-up at Dr. Aucoin's at Berkshire Medical this morning. I remember making the appointment last October when I was here, thinking April?! That's so far away! Everything here could change by then! 

But it hasn't, what do you know.

So Peg has to go have an ultrasound next week because Aucoin doesn't like the sound Peg's left carotid artery is making. I don't hear it, myself, especially with Doris Day singing, but Aucoin correctly diagnosed Peg's aortic aneurysm twenty years ago so she must know what she's doing. 
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HIGHLIGHTS:

Mailed eBay stuff at the Becket Post Office then swung by the General Store on the way back to buy myself a cinnamon doughnut (Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays they have doughnuts). They had only one left, so bought that plus two jelly ones for Peg and Odd. Was sitting here earlier doing images on the laptop thinking any second now I'll get up and make myself a latte and zap that cinnamon sucker in the microwave, will just finish this next photo--when I heard the ka-clunk ka clunk of Odd's walker at the far end of the kitchen. "Hi, Daddy. Can I get you anything?" No answer. You have to say things twelve times here and even then they don't understand. "Daddy?" Nope. Nothing, just the crinkle of a paper bag then the ka-clunk ka-clunk retreating into the den. I finish my image and think Right! Doughnut! And up I get, sticking my head in the den en route just to check Odd's upright in a chair. "You okay? Hungry? Can I get you anything?" "No no I'm fine, Lise girl, thank you. I had a cinnamon doughnut."
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Peg and I have just had a blazing row, the old "When Dawn Threw Out My Medicine!" one. I should not have risen to it, I should just have agreed. But I didn't. Primarily because Dawn, who worked here before Bonnie, only threw out Peg's  medicine because it was out of date, it had expired, it said Do Not Use After Blah blah on it and Peg hadn't used it in months. But Peg has it in for Dawn, as can be illustrated by the "Dating Plastic Containers in the Refrigerator With Magic Marker"argument which in fact led to Dawn's quitting. Peg rewrites episodes in her mind, tailoring them to suit. And now she has just yelled at me to go home and Odd banged his walker and said a few Oh shits and has gone to bed without his last Nebulizer treatment. Which maybe I'll take.