A COLLIE BY ANY OTHER NAME

Great excitement amongst collie lovers. Spurn-Me-Not Piper Angel Honeybear (aka Stainer of Rugs and Bleacher of Parquet Flooring) has just given birth to eight little Spurn-Me-Not Piper Angel Honeybear juniors. Having just been on the breeder's website [http://wellsmerecollies.com/spurn]
trying to figure out how to see them on the webcam (it's been a slow night here in Walberswick), I was interested to learn that we may have been addressing  the dog by the wrong name. She appears to be named "Van-M Spurn-Me-Not". No wonder she paid no attention when we called her, she was waiting to hear "VAN-M? Oh, VAN-M? What the fuck are you doing squatting on the white carpet in the Tulip Room?"

I also see that not only has the breeder put 3 "N's in Peg and Odd's last name, she has put a photo of Peg on the website, Peg asleep, cuddling Van-M, possibly the one and only time Van-M got onto Peg's bed in the year and a half she was in residence, in fact was probably deposited there by Outside Bob at Peg's request and escaped as the shutter clicked. 


Peg is already making plans to visit the puppies, an hour and a half away, with Dawn, whom she fired last year for labeling and dating the Tupperware containers in the fridge and who set the Great Borrowed Collie Plan in motion to begin with, thinking it was a great idea, which it was--to recap, briefly: Peg gets VAN-M for $2000 until Van-M comes into heat, then gets bred, then has pups, and Peg gets proceeds of one pup ($1000) and this was to happens twice. Or was until my mother, despite signing the contract, said she knew nothing of any such arrangement, "Honeybear" was NOT leaving the house to be bred or for any reason, ever ever ever, and Dawn was a terrible person "and--and--and in fact put her hand over the part of the agreement that stated all that!" so Peg "couldn't see it!" And so it went. Until I pried the dog loose, the dog that couldn't wait to leave anyway, and now, well! Presto! Eight Little Van-Ms. N, O, P Q, R, S, T and U. 

And guess who is now insisting on a puppy--no, make that two puppies. Despite me saying we need the $1000--which we do--not crap all over the floor for Peg to roll her walker through. 

So I feel pretty much like an ogre. One who incidentally has the flu and whose tooth (LL5, in dentist talk) fell out last night while I was eating ice cream. And which today a very nice lady dentist in Southwold glued back in for me for £33. Which is equal to about one ear of a collie, in dog talk.