I HATE MY MOTHER

I wish I didn't, but I think I do. She was so awful to me today on the phone. It isn't dementia, nothing to do with age. She has always been like this. She takes a fact, a story, an incident, the rewrites it over and over in her mind until it's so far from the truth that it goes immediately onto the Sore Subject list, because there is no way I can agree with her version, which never happened, the only way forward is to never discuss it. Except she keeps bringing up Sore Subjects, again and again and again and today I finally lost it after half an hour of accusations and non-stop harangue--and hung up on her, after yelling at her to shut up and bursting into tears. Then walked the dog and vented to anyone we met on our way, in particular an American friend here in the village who has an 85 year old nightmare mother in Arizona who makes Peg look like Pollyanna.

Peg will be out of money now in 2 months. She says it is all my fault. I "said they had to have 3 people working there at all times". No, I didn't. She is confusing this when Daddy was coming home from hospital 18 months ago, and the nursing home told her to get round the clock care for him. Which I vetoed, got Hospice on board, and stayed in Becket for three months to look after them both. 

Thank you. Just saying it, because it would be nice to hear now and then. 

I have cut staff daytime hours, as of yesterday. Peg will now be alone for 6 hours every day until 8 PM when overnighters arrive. Her choice, I'm not being evil (that's HER job). She has the Staff there 70% of the time just to keep her company, they're not needed medically.

I have been in touch with a realtor. Who may or may not work out because am not sure we see eye to eye on how to sell the place. And who says this is a bad time to look for apartments to rent.

I hate the Becket house. I hate everything in it. I hate my mother.